A night in Sweden. Drop off my kids and meet up with my best friends. Sheila and Linus came over last night and we ordered lots of food. I’ve haven’t been hungry at all over the past few days but yesterday was the first day I felt hungry. Two big plates. I thought I’d keep crying through the night with them but somehow we created a bubble in the middle of all the chaos and we laughed until we created. Beloved friends.
I told them that I’ve said to my therapist it’s so easy for me to get involved in my boyfriends wants and thoughts that it clashes with the image I have of myself as a strong woman. Practically, it’s so important for me to stand on my own two legs, have my own economy and not be dependent. But emotionally I notice how I change my mind and think differently depending on who I’m living with. I feel like I’ve lost myself a bit in that. It hurts and I feel like I’ve let myself down completely.
Now I’m off to NYC. Hugs!