I was completely and utterly fooled by someone I loved. For 1,5 years H made us all believe he is someone else. All of these lies. I don’t understand how he was able to sleep at night. It’s such a big betrayal. I am still in shock. How could he think it would work? Borrow millions of kronor from people hiding in shadows and then aiming for higher profits. A dangerous game with the wrong people. Something that affects me and my children.
Last week, the same day I got a visit I unfortunately will remember for the rest of my life, I’d asked him if he could help pick up the kids from nursery next week because I’d be late from my London flight. ”Of course.” he replied. I still have those words echoing in my head. How can you agree to pick up your girlfriend’s kids when you know you’re being hunted?
I feel so incredibly guilty.
I feel really dumb and that I’m a bad parent who exposed my kids to such a threat. That I couldn’t see it. Or understand it. Sometimes my intuition told me to leave him, which I did three times during our 18 months together. Something wasn’t right but i couldn’t put my finger on it. Was it my intense life that caused problems as usual? Somehow he managed to find his way back to my life, a very intense kind of love from his part which I realize now wasn’t real. I was a perfect puzzle piece in his made up life. I guess my name made it legitimate for him to borrow such insane amounts of money from people.
I’ve had dark days since Wednesday. We’re always under surveillance, it’s impossible to sleep and eat. I feel so bad and every part of my body aches from anxiety. I’ve struggled to get food inside me, getting out of bed and managing my work schedule. Interviews, meetings, galas and dinners. Meeting the kids (Odd got moved to a different place as well) and tried to be strong with them. We’re somewhere new now to get a bit of piece and quiet.
I have no contact with H and would never help him in this situation. That’s important to say. I don’t know where in the world he is and I am not allowed to know. I probably saw him for the last time ever last Wednesday and that moment still hurts so much.
I’m trying to find the strength to go through all of this, but right now it’s heavy.
Thank you for your support.