Every year that passes I notice how much all the angry feelings from my childhood disappear. Everything that’s been brewing within me is starting to calm down. I don’t know if that’s because we’re all getting older or if I really want my kids to have grandparents. Whatever the reasons it’s creating a bond again and gives my soul peace.
My younger brother Daniel and I. Gillis reminds me so much of my brother that I sometimes call him Daniel and Sally is a copy of myself as a child. Sally always wants to take on the whole world immediately even though she’s only 3.5 years old and Gillis is exploring his inner world.
Three generations. Mum, myself and my grandmother.
It’s only recently that I’ve realised how much mom fought to give me and my brother the best possible life. Moving from the apartment buildings in Jakobsberg to a house in Skälby. We were always first ones into nursery in the mornings and last ones to leave in the afternoon. The car windows were scraped on our cold little and we has canned spaghetti bolognese. On Fridays mom always set up a proper cosy Friday.
Mom was always the most beautiful person I knew and smelled so wonderful. Different creams mixed with strong hairspray. I still remember it really clearly. Always flawless nails and pretty clothes. Flowery dresses, heels and elegant blazers and high waist jeans.
If I got my kindness and ability to believe in myself from mom, my dad gave me the power to move mountains. He’s extremely smart, strong and takes chances. I went to the ice cream truck with him as a child, to university when I was home sick from nursery and drew whole he was lecturing. I saw him build his law firm in Jakobsberg and remember when he was brave enough to move into Stockholm City so we could attend better schools.
It hasn’t been easy growing up. I was the big sister to four younger siblings. I am happy that the thunder cloud within is starting to vanish. I now feel gratitude instead. Everything turned out well in the end.