A breakdown

I had a breakdown after I dropped of the kids today. I sat in the car and just cried until my best friend Sheila called me. We talked for a long time. Afterwards I called Odd and I got support from him too. It started with the fact that Sally realised that she was changing homes today. I saw in her eyes that she struggled which is heartbreaking. I thought for a while and asked her if today wasn’t a Pippi day? How? She asked me. I said that sometimes when you feel down, it might be a good idea to put on your Pippi-clothes. It can help you feel stronger if you are upset. Sally nodded and that’s what we did. Dropping them off went smoothly but I broke down afterwards. We’re starting with an ”every other week” system now. Ugh.

Sheila asked what I’m the most afraid of. I replied, full of tears, that I’m afraid that they won’t feel a basic-safety when they have two homes. That’s my biggest fight in life. I miss them that from my own childhood. Sheila explained that those situations aren’t the same. We talked for a long time which I was grateful for. Then I phoned Odd. We talked about the fact our relationship is the most important now, because it will affect the kids. It was a lovely conversation and we decided we’re going to have a Saturday, the four of us together and do something fun.

I felt a bit shaky when I got to the office but Simon can feel other people’s emotions miles away so I immediately got a hug. The rest of the day has been a bit slow but that’s okay. I actually left the office before 5 and went home. Tonight, I’m going to recharge the batteries and allow myself to be sad. My beloved children.

I just want to do the right thing.

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