One year ago

When I woke up this morning, this photo, that said ”One year ago today”, appeared on Facebook. Emotions came over me and I tried to sort them out, but even so, I can safely say with confidence that we really tried. On holidays and among friends we were great. Our separate worlds came together and suddenly the borders between them weren’t as evident, our worlds were forced together for a few days. Days like those you looked into each other eyes to see if you were ever going to really see each other, really understand one another. Come back. Sometimes a promise was made about better compromises at home, it’ll get better now because now I see your perspective! However, at home, the compromises started to fail because they weren’t in line with ourselves, not truly. We became unhappy and our needs weren’t met.

At the end it was about how long you could hold on. But around the corner a decision was waiting, a decision which meant that you were only going to have your kids half-time. That thought made me want to vomit, anxiety in a millisecond. But then the rational brain kicks in. That two adults living together and being unhappy probably are worse parents than two happy adults that don’t live together. I thought about what I was going to tell our kids, what I want them to inherit, they do as you do, not what you say. And I want them to dare to put themselves first when they need to. Sally is the most important in Sally’s life and Gillis in his. Until they have kids of their own. I want them to prioritize their happiness and have the opportunity to spread their wings. I want them to know that you can always stand on your own two legs, if being together with someone is holding you back. Life ain’t easy, you need to make some incredibly painful decisions at times. The best I can do for them is to teach them how to act according to their inner compass, their gut feeling, and to make them feel safe in those decisions. Life tends to become pretty good when you’ve done so.

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